An expectation is an attachment to a predetermined outcome. When this “made-up-notion” is not experienced as predicted, it leads to tension and uneasiness. Great expectations are the primary source for great disappointment in relationships. Partners who stay attached to an imagined result create frustration, conflict and resentment that can easily derail any relationship. In fact, most divorces and breakups are rooted in unmet expectations! Haven’t you experienced those moments when you thought, “He should know that” or questioned, “How could she not see this?” Have you noticed how expectations are often too high or too low, too perfect or too unreasonable, too idealistic or too unrealistic?
Our experience is that many men expect a relationship to come in a nice tidy box completely assembled, fully operational and hopefully with an optional mute button. It’s apparent that no one mentioned that those beautiful bundles have a “do it yourself” component and unfortunately instructions are not included. Hidden in the fine print on the back of the box is the warning that upkeep might be required. Some models even call for higher maintenance, but that is easily overlooked when blinded by the deluxe accessory package. More often the starry-eyed-acquisition backfires shortly after the break-in-period has expired, usually after the first few months of test-driving. Then reality steps in and men suspect that they are the victims of a bait and switch scheme. In such cases the culprit is not the woman, but the man’s illusionary expectation of a carefree relationship combined with an inability to cultivate deep emotional connections.
Now the female relationship approach doesn’t look all to encouraging either. It is astounding how many women we meet, who see a relationship as an ongoing project of conjuring up the perfect man. Women are known to marry a man’s potential and they have this perpetual hope to mold, fix or change their quarry into their knight in shinning armor. Sometimes they apply the queer-eye-for-the-straight-guy-tactic and shave his back, cut his toenails, straighten his teeth and update his wardrobe, but they will never manage to squeeze blood from a turnip. This method is usually doomed from the get-go. For those infatuated women the fact that it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, doesn’t necessarily mean that it must be a duck. They find it highly probable, that it could also be a prince doing a very good duck impersonation. The fantasy-life they’ve dreamed up strongly overrides reality. It’s obvious that the core problem here is not the man himself, but rather the over-rated-vision-board-thinking. Women hunting for the perfect match described in their personal 42 page “Conditions of Satisfaction” catalog will have a hard time accepting any man for whom he really is. They are clearly caught up in their self-imposed expectation trap.
The more people expect things or events to happen in a particular way, the less they are in the flow of the moment and able to be present. Since most expectations are tied to a specific result, there is little room to experience the now. The truth is: the present moment cannot be calculated, prepared or planned; it just shows up!
Just food for thought, Ananda – Blissfully Yours, RayBella
Image Credit: RayBella