vasectomy Mauimama

Vasectomy”. There, I’ve said it. Get used to it.

The V-word is the new tube tie and I am here to tell you why.

No man has died from a vasectomy.

Double digit numbers of women die from tubal ligation every year. Think about losing your woman before you say, “No way.” I’m just saying.

Once you have decided not to have any additional children (and you are sure about it), a vasectomy is the most reasonable and sensible choice for both of you. I know, that’s bold, but bear with me…

“Continue to use condoms,” you say. Hey if that’s what you want to spend money on, be my guest, but it doesn’t always work and if you say it feels just as good, you need to have your head (pun intended) examined.

“My wife will just go back on the pill,” you say. Come on man, she’s the woman you love do you really want her to continue to have health risks and side effects and to have to keep paying every month?

“At the next delivery the doctor will tie her tubes,” you say. Seriously? You are going to suggest she have a surgical procedure after birthing your child? You’re braver than I am.

“A vasectomy will cause my testicles to swell up,” you say. Okay I worried a little about this one too, but your swimmers will dissolve harmlessly. In the rare case that you bleed or have extended pain, rest and simple anti-inflammatory (ice pack) will probably do the trick. Schedule the event before your favorite show or sporting event (most are scheduled just before the NCAA tournament) and you’ve got a foolproof reason for sitting in front of the TV or the computer.

“Ejaculation will hurt and it won’t be the same,” you say. Baloney. Au Contraire this will be the only time in your life when it is medically prescribed that you ejaculate as frequently as possible for two weeks. There is no shame in working this situation. It’s the least she can do to help you recover from surgery. Any and all methods of arousal are clearly indicated as treatment. Do you really want to wait for this free sex ticket extravaganza longer than necessary?

Truth is, a vasectomy is about a 20-minute procedure that hurts about as much as a bee sting or two. You need to ice your jewels for a day, maybe take some over the counter pain medicine, and I’d personally suggest the most package supporting underwear you can find for a couple of weeks, followed by the aforementioned nearly constant ejaculation. It’s a cinch – and the least you can do given what she’s done already.

Image Credit: Jane Hudson Stoller

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Joseph Stafford grew up in Pennsylvania, went to college and moved to Hawaii for a job as a DOE School Psychologist and met Kristen. They married and have two wonderful kids, Emily and Sam. You can contact him at dr.jjstafford@gmail.com.