“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”. Walter Anderson is right: trusting requires a willingness to be vulnerable and to take risks in light of unpredictable circumstances. Just think about it, when there is assurance, trust is not required. If an outcome can be predicted, trust becomes a non-issue. Trust is conviction in the absence of certainty. When we trust, we commit to viewing uncertainty as a possibility, not as a liability.
Often we trust people for who WE want them to be – rather then who they really are – and when they fall short, we are disappointed. Trust is not just a feeling that we have regarding someone; trust is a conscious choice that we make. It is an inside job and the foundation for any thriving relationship.
A person’s depth of trust within themselves is clearly reflected in the level of closeness with their romantic partner.
At the beginning of a relationship boundless trust is “naturally” lacking. A new couple is running the program of “checks and balances” to assess that what has been said is congruent. Some feel a resistance to share intimate secrets out of the fear of rejection. If not resolved over time, both partners keep their innermost thoughts to themselves and stay safely guarded. The result of this protective mindset is that intimacy never grows beyond the primal function of physical satisfaction. For clarification purposes, we make the distinction between intimacy and sexuality, as true intimacy does not necessary have to do with sex. However, for some men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; for most women, intimacy sometimes results in sex. What many couples fail to experience is the euphoria that is derived from a bond of infinite connection.
Trusting Fully is the absence of the need to shield one’s heart from possible hurt, disappointment or neglect. Instead of building a fortress to guard our deepest feelings, we have the choice to view vulnerability as an asset, instead of a weakness. There is simply nothing strong about staying protected and building a moat around our hearts.
People who are guarded are not safe (as they may believe), but rather constrained within their self-imposed limitations. When the need for protection or control is gone, we deepen the trust with our Self, with others and ultimately in our connection with everything around us. Without the need for constant reassurance, boundless trust results in complete freedom.
Just food for thought, Ananda – RayBella
Image Credit: Gaia Photography