
Two years ago I came to terms with my theory that my young daughter was a recluse, hated crowds, had anxiety, and hated to socialize outside a two mile radius of our home. It got real lonely sometimes. In three weeks of one winter break we left the house to play three times.
One day, she granted me a light at the end of the tunnel and asked to go fishing. I couldnāt yank the vacuum cord out of the wall fast enough! Iād never taken her fishing, but packed the car like a crazy person and got out of jail. We were still alone but we took in every precious moment outside. It was one of her (and my) happiest days together.
Thanks be to God.
Two years later I realize it wasnāt just a theory. My thoughts were validated. I have an amazing little beauty whose heart beats to a different drum. As soon as I realized this, I changed the way I mothered.
More patience.
More compassion.
More listening.
Master her triggers.
Soft words – always.
Love myself – unconditionally.
Choose happiness.
Every. Damn. Day.
By doing so, I found the happy kid inside.
One might think, āHello, rookie. That comes naturally to mothers. Why not you?ā
Well, because I didnāt understand why she had to be āMary Quite Contraryā. Things that would make every little girl happy would do nothing for her. Or worse, sheād act like everyone else then follow through with quantum meltdowns.
I was spinning my wheels, making a circus out of myself. I found it challenging. I was frustrated. The problem was ME. I was not paying attention. Like a selfish child, I only cared about my problems and boy, did I have problems.
Iām a different woman now. My problems became blessings. Each one taught me a lesson. I have less fear and more faith… thatās another story.
So please donāt question why I give her choices. Donāt question why she wonāt play with your kid, participate in sports, or meet you at the beach. Donāt question why I continue to chat with you as she begins to suck her thumb and I say nothing. Donāt wonder why I gag when you give her a lollipop or why thereās no sugar in my house. Donāt wonder why I sometimes choose alone time with my daughter over a big multi-family barbecue. Because she is taking me on a journey more eye opening than beers and bouncy castles.
Donāt get me wrong, I myself love being invited and love having choices. Itās just that I donāt have a child that can be ātoldā to go anywhere and quite frankly, thatāll come in handy when she becomes a young adult.
She has the right to like different things and by practicing her rights:
Sheās been empowered.
She is shining through.
She is perfect in every way.
We are best friends, yet I have her respect.
No more anxiety.
Just authenticity.
What a difference a few years can make!
Image Credit: Happy Bandits