When we began the research for our book, the magnitude of the challenges impacting relationships became strikingly apparent. A skyrocketing divorce rate of 50% is commonly accepted, only this statistic fails to include the vast number of people who remain in dysfunctional marriages. Add to that 45% of the US adult population that is unmarried or can’t find a match. The real question is: “How many people are actually experiencing fulfilling relationships?”
The way we “do relationships” is obviously ineffectual. Our ability to relate, communicate and connect to each other has greatly diminished. We cannot escape the evidence that “We, the People” are poorly equipped, ill prepared and unaware how to sustain lasting love. Whether it is within or outside the institution of marriage, the “State of the Union” is in a major crisis – Houston, we have a problem!
We analyzed successful relationships and discovered that there are essential principles present in the ones that flourish. Based on these findings we developed the H.R.K.- system that embodies these principles, which we call The Nine Essentials. Those who embrace The Nine Essentials report that their relationships were enriched beyond the common definition of happiness.
Let us share a brief synopsis of the First Essential: “Being Present”.
Just like a keystone is the central supporting element of a structure, we consider “Being Present” the anchor of The Nine Essentials. Being fully present means: giving undivided attention to the moment here and now. By attuning our senses to the present moment we see what actually exists, we hear what is being said and feel what is there to be felt. It is only from this state of “Being Present” that we fully experience what another person is sharing with us. When we are in the now, we look beyond the filters of previous experiences that may skew our perspective. Meeting another – without being influenced by painful wounds of the past, or unrealistic expectations for the future – helps us to see the unobstructed essence of a person.
We are aware of a mother’s busy schedule and won’t add another item to your bulging To-Do-List. Instead we propose a TO-BE-List: Observe yourself when you are “Being Present”: Take a moment and consider these questions: Describe the difference between being present or when you are not? When do you typically leave the present to go into the past or future? How does this affect your relationships? What becomes possible if you stay present and aware in the moment? Allow yourself to notice habits and unsupportive patterns to initiate a shift within yourself.
“You must BE the change you want to see in the world.”- Ghandi
Ananda – Blissfully Yours, RayBella
Image Credit: Pono Couture Retreat