parenting Mauimama

Significance: importance, serious, magnitude. The implication is grave, weighty.

Comment: I have noticed that when a parent makes things significant, the child picks up on the energy/attitude and will react in some exaggerated manner. Today’s quote from Abraham, when discussing significance, ends with, “It is only the connection or the disconnection that is of really any importance.”

In other words, deliver your important parenting words with straight, clear communication. Add no emotional attitude that might cause a disconnection.

Inside a child’s mind: “Oh, there’s extra weight, energy, heaviness here – I’d better act out to disperse it.”

Negotiation: discussion, dialogue, arbitration, completing a deal or transaction. The tone is clarity.

Comment: A parent must think through what type of parent he or she wants to be. Realizing that s/he is the child’s first teacher, and that what is modeled is what will be imprinted, why not delve whole heartily into a cooperative mode of partnership. Read about it*, go to an ongoing support group, learn the skills (rather than be in authoritarian control) to negotiate.

Sure, it could be difficult to gauge age appropriate interactions, (say with young siblings) especially for the parent who has not had such an experience in her birth family nor has yet been exposed to decision making or conflict resolution in a supportive, open and honest negotiating style of communication.

Negotiation is not compromise. To the child it feels loving, acknowledging and secure. You are establishing trust in a family/group problem solving tradition that gives each party a voice and a listening ear.

*Book Recommendations: Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves, by Naomi Aldort (a reference for Negotiations).

**I am happy to lend out and/or recommend books.

Image Credit: Kimberly DeCambra

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Liz Wertheim has trained with Virginia Satir, has her Early Childhood degree, co-directed two Sudbury Schools and staffed many years at the Hui Jungle Preschool. She also has facilitated a series of Parenting Classes. To chat with Liz call (808) 573-1819.