Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everythiing. Between the two, my life flows. ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj
The first time I stepped off a plane in Honolulu, I felt like I had come home. I was 19. I ended up moving to the North Shore of Oahu and living there for two years, with infrequent trips to ‘town’ or Waikiki. Years later, I discovered that I was conceived on the North Shore of Oahu in 1968 during a trip my parents took. I also learned that my father had lived on the North Shore with his Japanese bride back in the late 50’s. It was from here that she left him to go back and be with her family in Japan, subsequently breaking his heart.
In 1991, after breaking my own boyfriend’s heart on the North Shore, I moved to Maui. Soon after moving to Lahaina, I had a vision of a new man that was coming into my life. I saw his distinct backlit profile in the dark, and then met ‘Fuzz’ the next night at a birthday party. I fell deeply in love, more so than I had ever experienced before. Our relationship lasted almost two years before he started asking about marriage and kids. Since I was a strong “NO” in this department at the age of 23, I let him go so he could find someone who felt the same as he did.
Next I met trust fund playboy ‘Mac’ on Ka’anapali beach. After our initial one-nighter, we decided not to date and became best friends instead. He eventually asked me to marry him 2 years later, despite him knowing that I never wanted to get married or have children. I declined. He ended up having a beautiful daughter with another mutual friend.
I left Maui for a while and when I returned in 2009, I excitedly dialed Mac on his cell. It had been two years since I had seen him. His number was disconnected. So I looked up his surfboard company, and much to my surprise, it was out of business. I soon found a blog that a mutual friend had posted about his passing 6 months before, at the young age of 46. I was stunned and shocked. I went into a depression, which even the finest of red wines and chocolate could not elevate. I regretted not marrying him. I regretted not keeping in touch better.
Fast forward to July of 2013 – I am with a friend circumnavigating Lanai with Maui Ocean Riders. As we come around the backside, heading towards Manele Bay, Fuzz, my first Maui boyfriend, pops into my head. I start to see images of him and hear his laughter. Later that night, I look him up only to find that he too passed away just over a year ago at the young age of 46.
This made me sit up and think. Both ex-boyfriends had died at 46. Both I had loved with all my heart. Both had considered marrying me. Then I began to wonder about my father’s father. I knew he had died young, as my dad had a big party when he ‘made it’ to 50. I called my father’s widow the next day and sure enough, grandpa had died at 46. I was speechless. Had my DNA programming attracted men to me that would have the same pattern as my father’s father? It was in my face and I began to question everything.
I had lived on four golf courses in my lifetime, all in Hawaii. I do not like golf in particular, nor do I play golf. I didn’t really ever know my father nor have much of an intimate relationship with him but my father played golf for most of the second half of his life. He even owned his own golf cart that he towed in a trailer to his golf course of choice. I learned that he always dreamed of living on a golf course, but never actually did. Instead, was I carrying out his dreams subconsciously?
Some of you might think this is a coincidence, but I believe it goes much deeper than that. From further research regarding genetic patterns and experiences with Genetic Voice Printing, which I was so amazed by the results, I learned the practice (geneticvoiceprinting.com). I now believe that issues that are sitting unresolved in our parents and grandparents can also sit unresolved in our DNA. It has been discovered that the negative beliefs, traumas and fears that our ancestors experienced can be passed down to us in our genes. It feeds our thought forms and patterns, over and over, and of course, passes on to our own children. It can affect every relationship we enter into. Discovering my genetic patterns changed my life and allowed my own consciousness a chance to grow and evolve, through ME, changing the intimate relationships I have with others but more importantly with myself.
Image Credit: Emma Whitney Photography