Dear Aunty Tina, I am pregnant and splitting from my boyfriend. Do you have any words of wisdom?
Yes! Get yourself a good support person (best friend/sibling/parent/family) ready to help you during and after your baby is born. If you are still in contact with your boyfriend talk with him and see if you can create a good co-parenting plan, although you are not together he may want to be involved with your child. If you do not get along well I would advise going to mediation with a professional. Here you can agree on how best to set a good co-parenting foundation and get things in writing. This may help give you peace of mind and set clear boundaries and what is expected. Even enrolling in a local NVC (Non-Violent Communication) class may help you improve your communication skills, which will help you a lot over the next few years. Remember you are now tied to this person for the rest of your child’s life, even if you aren’t in contact with him your child may resemble his traits.
Try and build up your support network. Reach out to other mothers who may be in a similar situation, and if you need to do not feel ashamed about going to The Department of Human Services in Wailuku. They can direct you to the right services that can help you financially through this challenging time. It is very hard to support yourself when you have just given birth and are looking after a newborn.
The number one rule is to try and keep in mind what is best for your child, regardless of how you personally feel about each other. This and only this should govern all future parenting choices.