A friend of mine told me that I was lucky because I have reached a more stable and calm point of my life. To have survived raising my daughter from birth to the age of seven, as compared to her, with a one year old, she was frighten by the challenges that will ensue. She began to tell me that I was beyond those crazy years when children really depend on us for everything. I told her that she should embrace those couple of years because the younger they are the faster they grow and the more changes a mother may miss out on. When children grow older, every transformation may take longer, probably months, but when they are babies, it can be day by day, week by week.
After giving birth your life will not be the same, but it will be restored and more rewarding in the end. The question that every mother will ask herself is, “How do I get my life back after having children?”
I would say after two years of age a baby already walks, starts to use the bathroom, begins to dress themselves, eats on their own, talks a little and responds a lot. Now, is maybe the time to start looking to pursue where your life left off. Before that, I believe it can be a waste of time and a frustration for all. Little by little, you will be back to the professional, independent, high heeled woman you were before your last child, if that is where you want to be.
Now after having a child, you are not only going to be a woman again but, also an empowered one. These little people in our lives teach us so much with the challenges they present, that we just need to go with the flow and grow. However, as someone once said, “There’s a time for everything and everything has its own time”. If you try and start having your womanhood back before time (approximately two years of your baby’s age), you may miss many feelings, moments and lessons with your babies, that you can never get back, and may regret later. Be patient and enjoy the time you have.
What if you have kids every two years? I guess you have to fill up yourself with lots more patience and mix your motherhood with a healthy balance of womanhood. There is a component that I see missing often in mothers, with gaining this balance, and that is to ask for help. We feel so empowered from giving birth that somehow we forget to ask for help at times. This is where your partner or family and good friends comes into place. You need to communicate to them before things start to get out of control or too much to handle. Tell them your needs regarding the space that you need. Usually men are better at either asking for that space or taking it, we as women often lack that quality, which is why I am reminding you now. In order to keep your relationships as healthiest as you like while raising kids, communicating your needs and being proactive helps. Your partner or friends do not have the power of reading your mind, help them help you.
When you are in search of you, and not just you as “mommy”, you can’t forget about your children, right? How do you balance it all? You need to adapt to your own circumstances:
1. Have at least one date/month (with your partner, with your friends, or by yourself).
2. Create some time to unwind each day. Find a place where you can go and clear your thoughts and create positive ones (it could be the shower).
3. Try and do something that you love (paint, sing, dance, etc) at least once a week (this can be done including your child).
4. Be gentle with yourself every day.
5. Ask for help about reminding yourself about having the time you need.
Stay tuned for more tips on balancing motherhood and womanhood, after you start to put theses ones in practice.
Happy Mother’s Day
Image Credit: Happy-Bandit